I AM TRYING VERY HARD TOO

Even if you ask me question like, "What do you think of me?" My answer will be "I Don't Know."
As everyone know, I love my friends. If our friendship are measurable, then do you think it's worth to protect such a friendship?
I'm a straight-forward, happy-go-lucky fella, if you happen to not knowing it. I will be very frank at most of the time when I'm speaking. I may hurt someone which I knew it myself. And it will not be me if I'm talking in a roundabout-way. I will say what is in my mind, and I always treasure my friends more than myself. I'm sure my best friends will at least know these insignificant traits of me.


I know it is hard to know what I'm thinking, not even my best friends know it 100%, but please understand, sometimes I don't even know it myself. I always act, make decision, accordingly to myself instead of emotionally, if I would say. I might be an amateur in this journey of life. I may be childish sometimes, I am playful, even irresponsible sometimes. It hurts the most when I knew it and I can't do anything about it, also when my friend still don't understand me at this point.
As I had mentioned, I act accordingly to myself, my playfulness, my irresponsibility without thinking of the resultant on the others, almost like instinctively, but I know you will say, "BULLSHIT!"
Believe it or not, I AM such a weirdo, moron, living in this corner of this planet. Fortunately, I'm with my friends. Without them, I may still be the shy, unsociable weirdo, living alone in the darkness(which within the heart).


One more thing that I would like to share with my friends, which not even my best friends had known this. During my standard 1 and two, I WAS STILL clinging to my mom, crying like a baby, but absolutely ugly, whenever I didn't complete my homework. However, thanks god for letting a good form teacher taught me during my standard 2, and I ended up in good classes from standard 3 and so on. During my primary school, from standard 1 to 3*(I will explain why), I will turn into a state(mentally over-tension/stressed/panic) whenever my teacher showing up with a cane in her hand(obviously she was really strict/almost "fierce"), and physically, my fingers and toes cramping, hands and legs shaking, started to cry, like a scaredy-cat, a really pathetic one, till I don't even wanna mention about it anymore. Start from standard 4 towards 6, my form teacher was a really good teacher, a very kind, responsible, very skilled and professional in dealing with students, obviously she don't cane students, but punish them in a different manner, so that to let them know their mistake by themselves, not by force. From then on, I had never gone into such condition anymore. Never the less, the care from my mother, which I can never forget for the rest of my life, even after I died.
I can barely made any friends back then during my primary school. I couldn't make any best friend back then, but I'm not regretting it at all, because I managed to make several best friends throughout my secondary school life and days after that.
I believe that I will never mention it, telling my friends, or even best friends, all about these(of me), if the things had not turn out to be like this. So I am writing here, instead of telling EVERYONE. My mom had actually talked about these things with her friends, sharing her everything with her friends, so I had been listening most of the time too. Obviously, that won't sounds pleasant for the one like me to be telling all this, not that I want to, but just to hope that my friends will know me better.
So, in the contrary, do you think everyone can just simply share their unpleasant experiences with their friends just as simple as this? No kidding, this requires an unmeasurable amount of faith to be telling this. In a nutshell, I don't simply MAKE friends. I am also trying very hard to keep my friends in the correct track of the friend-circle just like the orbits.


I had been writing this for 2 hours since I woke up at 3am after reading "those posts", and I really miss out two things here which I thought I want to share, I can't even remember my own thoughts when it just scrolled away like a slideshow in my mind. Maybe I will tell more if you had asked, for anything you are not clear.
As usual, I am trying my very best in expressing myself, delivering my feeling in my words. All I could say is, "It is really uneasy."
Do you think you can just share your "existence" with your best friend(forget about those NORMAL friends). I can tell, NOT EVEN you know yourself very well. Even if family members, but I believe some exception can be excused, one simple example, my mom, is more than enough! So perhaps you mom/dad do. At first, MY BEST FRIEND hesitated to share a certain thing with me, but I insisted. Finally he had my faith. So, what I want to say is, you won't know unless you try. Also, the outcome may be unpleasant, but you won't grow if you are just staying the same position. But I know, you might have your own idea, thinkings, concepts, ways-to-live-a-life, so I'm not being forceful here, but to share. However, I still believe that not everyone can share their thoughts easily. Again, some of you might think, I am talking HIGHLY AND MIGHTLY here and "What do you know about me??", so I don't care your thoughts on this, I AM such a weirdo. I just want my friend to know me better, that's it. Surely, I might not even know ANYTHING about you, but I AM WILLING to know it NOW, as long as you are willing to SHARE. 


TO MY BEST FRIEND:
Again, you said it in a joking manner, I understand but I would be lying if I said I was not having any unpleasant feeling about it upon hearing it, "你看这种朋友啦，认识了那么多年，也没有送过我礼物" but don't get upset 1st, I know you didn't mean it, as well as I do, but I want you to know, if this gift can be used to measure our friendship, 我情愿当没交过这样的朋友. You know, I am willing to lend you my hand more than my own will, whenever you need my help, you hear me? This is my way of keeping friends in my heart, so please understand. If I give gifts, I am simply returning favor, as a very simple "thank you" meaning behind it. This is why I seldom give out gifts. But if you really will feel better to at least receive a gift from me, please DO LET ME KNOW. So, MY BEST FRIEND, please understand, I am really a very simple-minded person, hope you understand.


opps, the sun will be rising very soon, I will be going to Genting afterward. Feeling the cold breeze and air, sitting in the cafe, playing network game with my bros, having a cup of milkshake perhaps?
Last year I was having a Vanilla milkshake(if I'm not mistaken) at Coffee Bean, so what about this time?